he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
