found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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