Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
