Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
