remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
