If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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