She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
