The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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