oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
