omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
