ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
