I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My dick has a subreddit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
