Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
