my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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