Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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