remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
