Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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