ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
