I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
