he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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