omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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