So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
