He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
