I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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