It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
