yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
