I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
