Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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