i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
