No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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