The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
