I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
