He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
