I think my fart just growled at me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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