im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
