I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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