Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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