Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
