I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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