we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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