your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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