I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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