maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
