I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
