Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
