It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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