Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
