She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
