when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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