Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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