i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
